Screw you Facebook

3 Mar

After many months of scoffing, mocking and flat out refusal to join Facebook, I finally caved. And I can say in all honestly, it really is as bad as I thought it would be. See, the problem with Facebook is that in the 16.3 seconds after you join, you’re right back in high school. Your little friend counter just taunts you, you only have 7 friends, look at that guy, he has 387, you big loser. You hedge back and forth, debating on whether or not to ask Joe Smith or Jane Doe to be your friend. You start to question yourself, were you cool enough to remember, or were you more of a loser than you thought? So you take a deep breath and click “add as a friend”, telling yourself you don’t care, but you know you do, and you smile and sigh a huge sigh of relief when you find they’ve added you as a friend. Or of course there’s the little “People You May Know” tool, which is really the “You Don’t Know These People Because You’re a Loser” tool. I’m like, Facebook, why must you taunt me?

I’ve also discovered that a lot of my old friends now totally suck (and by suck, I mean totally don’t suck and have become successful and important). They’ve graduated from places like Harvard, Yale and other places smart people go (aka college), and are all upstanding citizens and crap. So it’s not bad enough that I have to constantly question my loser-dom via Facebook, but now I have to feel like a total failure for my life’s complete lack of direction. It’s only been about a year that even had the vaguest idea what I was doing, and even now, most days it’s a toss-up. It is funny to see what people are doing now though. Some you think, yep, I knew she’d be successful, or in Chris’ case, some fool let you be in charge of children? (An exact quote from Chris’ wall, Hard to believe you are taking part in the raising and influencing of small human beings now…no offense.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go update my Facebook status. Because for all of it’s suckingness, it’s totally addictive and I love it.

Screw you Facebook.

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