Hopefully no mom jeans…

19 Mar

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been getting more traffic on my blog, search engines are starting to find me, I’m listed on a couple of other blog sites, etc. So I checked my stats for today and I had 8 hits already today and a search engine found me! Kick ass! Nope, hold the kick assery… The person who got to my blog was looking for “retard porn”. That means that someone went to their AOL search and typed in “retard porn” and found my blog. Sigh. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with porn. But retard porn? Dude, c’mon. I don’t even want to know what retard porn is, or why there’s even a market for it. Anyway, this is the post that AOL likes to think is “retard porn”.

Now that I’ve burned that image in your brains, I’m going to do one better: my ass in jeans. Yep, spring is here and I need to go jeans shopping. I love, love, love shopping but absolutely detest trying clothes on in stores. I mean it’s enough to send me into catatonia land. The bad lighting that makes you look jaundiced, the fun house mirrors, the three-way mirror…ugh. So I buy the majority of my clothes online to avoid the trauma, plus online you can get great deals on designer and otherwise really expensive clothes that you couldn’t if you shopped locally.

So anyway, I’m jeans shopping. Jeans are so, so hard to buy and get the perfect fit. Let’s face it, I’m not a size 2, and finding curvy girl jeans that don’t make you look like a either stuffed sausage or a potato sack is hard. So I wanted some help. I found these two really cool “jeans finders”, the first, Zafu, told me that according to my info, Torrid Jeans are the way to go. I can deal with that. So I click on the link, and my “perfect” jeans are no longer available! No problem, surely Torrid sells more that just one perfect pair of jeans for me…yeah, not so much. Almost all the jeans were skinny jeans. Skinny jeans, in my humble opinion do not belong on ladies with a little extra junk in the trunk, some more wiggle in their jiggle, have the J-Lo butt thing going on or are bigger than a size 4. I personally wouldn’t have my big old healthy butt anywhere near these, but I aboslutely applaud the model for wearing them. However, the designer should be taken outside and beaten. They’re really not flattering.

So…yeah. Torrid not so much. Let’s try this again. The second jeans finder, True Jeans, told me that my perfect jeans are SVOBODA. Hrm, interesting, I’ve heard legend of these uber-expensive jeans that don’t gap in the back, don’t bunch in the front and are sheer perfection…but are they really curve friendly? Or are they a clever ruse to hide yet another pair of mom jeans?

From every review I could find, they really are that good and totally worth the money. My ass shall be residing in those…as soon as I can convince Chris that $128 is a reasonable for a pair of jeans.

Wish me luck, or else this will be me in a week…



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