Scrooge McDuck and Magellan do Boston

31 Mar

I don’t know if it’s just spring fever or I’m just completely lazy, but I’ve been pretty bad about updating my blog for the last week or so. I suppose I’m just not feeling very bloggy lately. I spent the majority of the week trying in vain to get ready for Kat’s cheering competition in Rhode Island. Between packing, cleaning and laundry I was pretty busy. It amazes me that no matter how many loads of laundry I do, it’s never done. I must’ve done about 17 loads last week. Apparently Chris and the kids didn’t get the memo that we only wear ONE outfit a day and that just because you try on something for 30 seconds does not make it dirty. Sigh. Anyway, we left early Friday afternoon for Rhode Island. Despite several attempts to buy a GPS, Scrooge McDuck (aka Chris) says it’s cheaper to print directions that to buy a GPS, so we used MapQuest…even though MapQuest gives us bad directions ALL the time. Well Scrooge McDuck got exactly what he paid for when MapQuest tried to kill us. Yeah, MapQuest apparently doesn’t like the major highways and took us right through the middle of Boston, which we didn’t even realize until we came around a corner and find ourselves smack in the middle of the Boston tunnels at freaking 4:15 on a Friday afternoon. Now in case I hadn’t mentioned it before, I have a little claustrophobia thing. I also have a fear of being underground in the dark with a bunch of people who’d rather punch you in the face than let you switch lanes. So here we are sitting in bumper to bumper traffic in a fucking tunnel with idiots swerving in and out of lanes, honking horns, flipping people off…holy shit I thought I was going to die. Chris, normally cool, calm and collected, turned off the radio and was like shutupshutupshutup to the kids. He’s asking me where to go, and I’m completely freaking out because I’m 110% sure that there’s going to be a huge fireball coming through the tunnel any second (a’la Independence Day) and we’re all going to die a firey death because we can’t escape the tunnel of hell.

Believe it or not, the tunnel didn’t explode and did see daylight again…45 minutes later. It was another 45 minutes before we were even out of Boston. Boston sucks. A lot. Finally, finally, finally we got to Rhode Island. We did get lost 3 times from the end of Boston to the Rhode Island state line. The whole time Chris is yelling at me, telling me to read the directions, which I totally was. It said get off at exit 8A, but there was no 8A. It went 9, 8, 7…no 8A. Someone told me later that 8A actually was after exit 6. Well of course it is, because that makes a lot of sense. Anyway, I told him to get off some exit and ask for directions.

Chris: Yeah, thanks a lot Magellan, you’ve been very helpful.

Me: Well you know what, that’s what happens when you’re too cheap to buy a GPS. I told you we should get one.

Chris: Yes well, once again you’ve done a superb job with navigation.

Me: Jackass.

He’s referring to last spring when we were going to Six Flags in Massachusetts and I read the directions wrong and we wound up literally in the ghetto…like with real live drug dealers and hookers on the corner. We were supposed to go to a street in Agawam, and I led us to a street of the same name in Springfield. We had to stop at a convenience store next to a bar with one of those LIVE DANCING NUDE GIRLS! signs for directions. He was pretty pissed. He also could be referring to the time that we went to Athens, Georgia and we took a 3 hour detour on country dirt road because I mis-read the map. All we saw were cows and fields for hours and hours. He was pretty pissed. Of course he could be talking about the time that we went to York’s Wild Kingdom and I mis-read the map and missed the exit and drove into New Hampshire…twice. He was really pissed that time. It’s just a few detours, what’s the big deal? And this time it wasn’t even my fault, I read the directions right, it was totally MapQuest’s fault.

When we got home he started pricing GPSs.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: