My kids’ bus driver is an obnoxious asshat posing as a Red Sox fan

8 May

Living in the Northeast, there are a lot of unpleasant things that I have to deal with, snow, mud season, black flies, and Boston Red Sox fans. Yeah, I went there, because I mean, let’s be honest, y’all are nuts. Don’t misunderstand me, I get it. Chris and I are both pretty damn obnoxious when it comes to our teams. Chris has been known to stomp around and throw things at the tv, and it would curl your hair if you heard some of the things that I yell at the tv during football season. Sure, some of you are not scum of the Earth, but I see your dirty looks when I walk around with my Not Boston Red Sox hat, aka my New York Yankees hat. Want to know what’s funny? I don’t even like baseball, I’m a football girl through and through. I do it to annoy you. Works like a charm, and it amuses me. Anyway, be obnoxious, I don’t care, it’s all in good fun, right? Yeah, until your hatred for anything not Red Sox makes my kid cry. The other day, the kids were on the bus and the bus driver said, who’s a Red Sox fan? A whole bunch of kids raised their hand. My kids didn’t, they, always wanting to be like Mom and Chris, said they were Yankees fans. So the bus driver makes them sit in the back of the bus. Like all the way in the back, reminiscent of the 60’s and Rosa Parks back of the bus. They’re trying to not get in trouble, so they go. Then the douche bag says, candy for all the Red Sox fans! He passes out candy to all the kids who said they liked the Red Sox…and didn’t give any to the kids (mine included) who said they liked the Yankees and he made them sit in the back of the bus the whole way home. The kids waited, and waited, thinking it was a joke, nope, no joke. This asshat is actually discriminating against 9 year old CHILDREN because they don’t like the Red Sox.

Anyway, they were both pretty upset. I told them to tell the bus driver that it’s discrimination and illegal. They didn’t believe me, but I was all, hell yes. Can’t discriminate against, race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, or team preference. Says so in the Constitution. So they’re all, can he go to jail? And I’m like, Syeah he can! I don’t think he actually can go to jail for not giving my kids a piece of candy, but I’m not telling them that. Today they were going to give him a little trash talk, we taught them about how the Red Sox perennially suck and have only won 2 World Series since 1918 and the Yankees are awesome and have won like 248923498723984 World Series and that made them feel a little better. I suppose it would’ve been a better idea to just tell them to be a Red Sox fan to get a piece of candy, but we only lie for top shelf candy. And isn’t that what being a parent is all about? Teaching your kids trash talk and encouraging them to act obstinate and stubborn just to make a point and to piss off Red Sox fans? I’m sure I read that somewhere…

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