Unicorns, rainbows and flowers. No porn here.

22 May

Next Friday (June 5th) is my one-year blogaverasy. It’s also incidentally the date of my high school graduation…12 years ago. Man, makes me feel old. Last night I was telling Kat about why she should give up lying to me forever, because ya know, I was a horrible kid and pulled every scam there was to pull, lied, cheated, stole, I was a regular delinquent in every sense of the word, and I’m going to continue to catch her because you can’t scam a scammer, reformed or not. Anyway, I’m telling her about all this bad stuff I used to do, and she’s like, when was that? I was like, well, I was about 15 or 16, I guess. And she goes, heh, that was a LOOOONG time ago. The child is lucky to not be bald. I had an urge to snatch the hairs right off her mouthy little head, insinuating I’m old. I gave her my “look” (you know the one all moms have that can mean one of any number of things (“watch your mouth”, “knock it off” or my favorite, “be careful not to awake the sleeping dragon, young child. She’s likely to start breathing fire if you keep it up.”). But given her penchant for running out the room in a fit of tween angst and my penchant for taking her cell phone away, we both decided to change the topic. I can’t tell if she’s just pushing boundaries or honestly being a smart ass. I mean if you spend enough time with me and Chris, the smart assery is bound to rub off a little. I don’t know, she makes me so tired. Davey has his issues, but he’s so much easier to live with. He’s a smart ass, but not in a disrespectful way. He’s actually a lot like Chris, and Kat is a lot like me, which is terrifying. Teenage Kat scares the hell out of me. I think I may reserve a space in the mental institution just in case.

Anyway, sorry. I totally derailed there. Blogaversary. In the past 3 weeks or so, my blog traffic has increased, which I think is pretty cool. I also thought it would be a good time to add a “Best of” page. So I asked Chris to give me his favorites and I added a couple of my favorites, so it’s a good little list. If y’all think I missed one, let me know. Also, I was looking at the search terms that people have used and gotten to my blog and have realized a couple things: 1. you really can find anything on the internet and 2. people are fucking crazy. For instance:

The most searched term to find my blog is “giant gummy bear”. Ok, not too bad, a little strange, but not bad. This is of course referring to my post about the giant gummy bears on a stick and the best stop smoking aid ever.

Then we start to get a little disturbing. We’ve got stuff like “donut boobs”, “cannibal porn” and “freezer porn”. I don’t think I want to know what cannibal porn is, but clearly Google has misunderstood my post about cannibals in the freezer. Now I don’t know about why you’d want to know about donut boobs or what exactly they are, but I did write about getting your boobs off my donut.

So since I’m obviously getting some messed search hits (my favorite was “pollyanna on the outside whore on the inside”, which I totally don’t remember writing about anything even remotely close to) from now I’m going to write about rainbows, flowers, unicorns and leprechauns. Well not leprechauns, because they’re kind of freaky.

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