This is a post about toilets

18 Jun

I don’t think I mentioned it before, but Chris’ brother staying with us for awhile this summer. I was horrified, I mean like, gasping shock, when I went into the bathroom this morning. No, he didn’t leave toothpaste all over the sink. No, he didn’t leave wet towels all over the floor. It was way worse…he forgot to put the toilet seat down! Now, Chris and David know that this is the fastest way to send me into a maniacal head fit, well that and when there’s pee on the toilet seat. And if y’all have little boys, you know it happens much more often than it should. I mean he’s got built in aim for Christ’s sake, you’re telling me he honestly can’t hit the big hole in the middle of the seat? Anyway, the toilet seat was up. Well, it wasn’t the seat part, that part was down, it was the cover that was up.

Ok yeah, I get that’s total OCD. But I don’t care. I think looking into toilet bowls is disgusting. Perhaps it’s because it brings me flashbacks of my heavy drinking/puking days, I don’t know, but I just don’t like it. And I so don’t get why men/boys can’t seem to just put the cover down. They think they’re God’s gift if they remember to actually put the seat down, you know, like they’re doing you some ginormous favor for not being a total slob, but they can’t just grab the cover at the same time? I mean, why would Mr. Toilet Seat Inventor slap a cover on it if it wasn’t meant to be used? I guess I was lucky, for several years before I met Chris, I was doing the single mom thing, and had ample opportunity to teach my son toilet seat etiquette (his future wife will thank me) , Chris was a little harder to train. Once I was visiting Chris in the his apartment that was masquerading as a cesspool of disgusting college boy germs, and the ONLY good thing I can say about that is that he put the seat down when I came. He was all, I put the toilet seat down because I knew you were coming. I was all, gee thanks. You didn’t bother to pick up the smelly gym socks or get rid of the stale beer smell that’s coming from that corner, but you did get the toilet seat down! You’re the man of my dreams! When he moved in with me, I was like, 2 choices, love. Put the seat AND the cover down, and you can live. Don’t, and you can face my wrath. I told you Chris was smart. He always puts the seat and cover down. Would you want to deal with me? I wouldn’t. I’m scary.

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