It’s gonna be a loooong summer

19 Jun

So yesterday I talked about bribing (some may call it buying off) my kids. I still stand by what I said, it’s an invaluable tool in close combat situations…no wait…yeah, close combat with 2 pre-pubescent kids that’s about right. Anyway, they brought home their report cards, and they did really, really well. Although, I have to hand it to these fine public schools, we don’t do grades, grades are too much pressure on kids. We have politically correct things like, “practice and support needed”, or “meets”. Not “needs improvement”, or “your kid is a total slacker and there’s no way they’re gonna see the 4th grade”, no, that would be too harsh. So they both did really well, lots of “meets”. Kat’s teacher did write a personal note about Kat craving attention and being a drama queen (yes, I’m serious), but overall, they did a great job. David improved a lot since his last report card, he’s been working really hard, actually doing his homework and not just saying the old standby, I finished it at school, etc.

So to bribe them reward them for their report cards, Chris and I decided to buy them both new Razor scooters. They love them, they’ve been scooting up and down the driveway, or as Kat says, “scootah, scootah, scootah” (we ARE from Maine after all) for hours and hours on end since they got them. Well Davey, never the master of coordination or balance, fell off and got a nasty little scrape on his knee. No big deal, who hasn’t gotten a little road rash as a kid, right? Well, yeah, except that he’s fallen so many times that his scrapes have scrapes. Of course my Florence Nightingale kicked in and peroxided the hell out his knees, put about a tube and a half of Neosporin on it, and slapped on the two biggest bandaids I could find. He limped around for a bit until he sufficiently used up all my sympathy then ran off, back to his prized scooter. So I’m wondering, is this my bad karma rubbing off on the kids? Have I gone terribly wrong with the universe when I bribed rewarded my kids for doing what every kid should do, when they did well on their report card? Have all of my “questionable parenting skills” finally caught up with me and now my children are suffering? No, I think they just have a grown ass man running around acting like a damn teenager for a dad. Check out the video below.

Yes, that’s Chris. yes, he’s using the kids old scooters as rollerblades/skis/death machines. Yes, he’s a big tool. And I wonder why my kids act like they do. It’s not karma, it’s just my big kid of a husband being a great role model. Sigh.


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