This is the obligatory warning, disclaimer and big fat red flag for this post

26 Jun

I haven’t made it a huge secret that I’m kind of a makeup whore. I tend to spend way too much (remember the $28 mascara?) on fancy brands, in hopes that they’ll work better than say Wal-Mart brands. My makeup is like a who’s who of overpriced cosmetic companies, Yves Saint Lauren, MAC, Christian Dior, etc. I think it’s because I’ve always had a really hard time with my skin. I had acne, tons of sun damage from the slather on baby-oil and bake in the sun days, and I guess I’ve always been just really kind of self-conscious about it, and I figure, well hell, if they can charge $50 for foundation, it must be pretty damn good. Well, it’s the same with skin care products: lotions, potions, etc., I have them all. So in apparently “helping” me with my constant quest for the best skin care products, Chris sent me an email that said, you’ve never tried this before, and attached this article, 6 Valuable (And Disgusting) Ways They’re Reusing Human Waste. I think he’s mocking me…or offering his services. I don’t know I’m kinda disturbed.

Now, if you’re my mother, please stop reading right now. Like RIGHT now. I’m going to try to say this as tactfully as possible, but I make no guarantees. Ok, so we’ve all (I’d hope this is a “we” and I’m not the only one who knows about this) heard about how if a guy “deposits” on your face, it’s supposed to make it softer. Personally, I think that practice is reserved for porn stars and wouldn’t test the theory, but lots of people swear by it. Well, now there’s a product called “Cmen Beauty Now” (yes, really). Apparently semen is an antioxidant, it slows the aging process and it’s better and stronger than Vitamin E. I have a wrinkle, right in the middle of my eyebrows, that I would do just about anything to get rid of. You know what I wouldn’t do? Rub semen on my face. I would inject botulism into my face a la botox, but not semen. Like ever. I can’t think of anything more disturbing than rubbing semen on my face, except maybe injecting the foreskins of circumcised babies into my face. Yes, you can do that too. There’s a company that’s decided to use foreskin as an anti-aging/scar healing treatment. I only wish I was making this up.

I don’t even know what to say about that, except, what the fuck are these scientists on? Typical behavior though. Men (and I have to believe that men invented these asinine products because I can’t imagine a woman saying, “yes! I’ll inject foreskin in my face!”) thinking they can solve all of woman’s problems with their penis.

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