Happy 4th of July

5 Jul

I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Our was pretty near a bust. It rained. Again. I’m so sick of this rain, I think we had more sun in January. Kat was supposed to do a cheering performance, but it got rained out. We did make it to the parade, which wouldn’t have been complete with the psycho Shriners with that force you to pull your children back from the sidewalk so they don’t get run over by their little death cars. Other highlights were the Hispanic Elvis impersonator, who not only forgot the words to “Don’t Be Cruel”, but only made a vague attempt at pretending to play the guitar, he kept swinging the guitar over his back to do his best Elvis hip shaking, and then would mistakenly hit the guitar strings on the way back. It was kinda sad. There were the line dancing ladies, who seriously have more balls than I ever would. Over my dead body would I get up on a float with a red and white checkered dress, a la Hee Haw, with white fringe cowboy boots and line dance to “Achy Breaky Heart”. My mom said, Oh that looks fun Mer, let’s do that ! Yeah, that’s not ever gonna happen. I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would ever, ever do that, but they all looked like they were having a blast, so whatever works for you, I guess. There was a fair amount of candy throwing. As always, my kids could be counted on to knock over any other kids who got in the way of their candy scavenger hunting. They’re at the age where they’re not sure if they really like the parade or think that it’s “boring” or “totally retarded” (which just about everything is these days). Chris did buy them hats, so that perked them up a little.

We ended up not going to the fireworks, because (surprise) it was raining. I was really bummed about it, the 4th just isn’t the same without the fireworks. So I’m washing my face getting ready for bed, totally pouting about the crap day, when he phone rings. It’s like 11:30, and I’m like, who the hell is calling so late? I figured Chris locked himself out again. I have soap all over my face and I’m yelling to Chris to pick up the phone, and he doesn’t even answer (I’m hoping that he’s just watching tv and ignoring the phone, and not really locked out, so I don’t have to go back downstairs to let him in), so I run into the bedroom, cursing Chris. I answer in my best “I’m really, really annoyed” voice, hello? It’s Chris, he says, hey, look outside. I’m like, what the hell, I’m kinda busy here (the soap dripping onto the phone at this point). I peer through the blinds and there’s Chris standing in the rain waving two sparklers like a crazy fool. He says, I know you were bummed about missing the fireworks, so I brought the fireworks to you. Happy 4th of July, baby! What can I say, except, awwwwwww! I got over being pissed really quick. As usual, Chris reminded me of what it’s really all about. Enjoying your family and celebrating the fact that we live in a great country, where you can have bad Elvis impersonators, ladies in white fringe cowboy boots, greedy, candy hungry kids and a crazy man standing in the rain waving sparklers at 11:30 at night all exercising their birthright of freedom. God Bless the United States of America!

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