If you’re going to get a waitress fired, you should leave a bettter tip

19 Jul

Friday night we got the kids back from my mom and dad. They had taken the kids for a couple of days, took them to an amusement park, stayed overnight in a hotel, and just did all kinds of fun grandparent stuff with them. I figured since we hadn’t been together for a couple of days, we’d go out to eat. We went to this restaurant and the waitress was really crap. I ordered a cosmopolitan, because after 15 minutes the kids they bickering with each other, talking back, just like they never left, I was ready for a cocktail. Now, normally, I’m a margarita girl, but I like vodka, and I usually like cosmopolitans, but this one was so gross. It was like vodka with a lime slice and a splash of cranberry juice. Two sips and my throat was burning because of the vodka, which normally I wouldn’t complain about, but I still had to get through this family dinner, do grocery shopping and laundry when I got home. I wanted a little buzz, not to get sloppy. So I asked the waitress if she could please make me another one, and maybe add a little more cranberry juice. After about 20 minutes, she brought another one that was like all cranberry juice, no vodka, and this time there was an orange slice floating in it. Ok, so she sucks at making cocktails, I’ll just stick with my Diet Coke. Then the salad came on a warm plate (yuck), but I was starving so I was going to eat it anyway. Davey was looking longingly at it (even though I specifically asked him if he wanted a salad and he said no) and I finally said, do you want my salad? To which he promptly picked up his fork and said, since you don’t want it, sure! Sigh. So our meal comes, it was fair at best. Our waitress was not very good, she kept forgetting things we’d asked for, important things like forks and ketchup. Plus she’d screwed up my drink twice. So I was pretty annoyed by the time we were done eating. We got the check and I paid for it with cash. It came to $32.19 and I gave her a $50 bill. She was like, be right back with your change. So when she came back, after another 10 minutes, she just dropped the little black check thingy on the table. I was like, hrm, rude. I open it up, and there’s $17 in it. I’m looking at the change, looking at the receipt and trying to figure it out why it looks wrong. After a few minutes of counting on my fingers, I realize I’m missing 81 cents.

Me: Uh, I’m missing 81 cents.
Chris: Babe, it’s 81 cents, it’s not that big of a deal.
Me: Yes it is, it’s friggin 81 cents, that’s almost a dollar!
Davey: I’ll give you 81 cents…
Me: You don’t have 81 cents, love.
Chris: Just let it go, let’s not make a scene.
Me: Fuck that. I want my 81 cents.
Davey: Yes I do Mom, you can have my pennies!
Me (to the manager lady that was walking by): EXCUSE ME.
Manger lady: Yes, ma’am?
Me: Yes, our waitress shorted us 81 cents. I know it’s “only” (I even used air quotes when I said only) 81 cents, but it’s MY 81 cents, and I want it back.
Davey: My piggybank is full of pennies…
Manager lady: Oh of course, I’m sure it was just an oversight, I’ll get it for you.
Me: Oversight or not, it’s my 81 cents, and I really want it back.
Davey: I think I have some silvers in there too…
Me: David, please. I don’t want your money.

At this point I think the manager lady thought I was insane. I was shaking and was talking in a really weird high-pitched voice. I was really pissed. I told her I wasn’t saying that the waitress stole it or did it on purpose, but c’mon, if me, math retard extraordinaire can make change, she should be able to, and she has no right taking my change, and that I’LL decide how much to tip her so she can’t just keep my 81 cents without asking, and she was not a good waitress anyway, and I really, really wanted my 81 cents. Chris was hanging his head in shame, Kat was pretending she didn’t know me and David was still yammering on about the freaking change in his piggy bank. The manager lady came back with the correct change and said something about, who was your waitress? I was like, Shannon. She goes, I thought as much. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again. I thanked her and we started walking out the door. Then Chris says, you know, they’ll probably fire her.

Oh my God, did I seriously just get someone fired over 81 cents? What kind of horrible psychopath not only makes a scene over 81 cents but then totally throws her waitress under the bus and probably got her fired? But part of me still thinks that she totally stole it because she just hightailed it out of there after she brought back the wrong change and part of me thinks, so what if she did? It’s 81 cents, get over it. But either way it’s still my 81 cents, right? Right? I think I’m really starting to lose it.

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