It’s not like I asked him to put it on his forehead

22 Jul

I have three tattoos (as I mentioned in my 100 things post), a vine around my ankle, a sun on my shoulder and the chinese symbol for tranquility on the inside of my wrist. The one on my shoulder was my first act as an adult. Register to vote? Nah. Buy cigarettes legally? Nah. Get a tattoo to piss your parents off? Hell yeah! The one on my wrist was at a time when I felt I needed a constant reminder to stay calm and be tranquil. It doesn’t really work, but it looks cooler than a string around my finger. I love tattoos. I love them on other people, and I love mine, except the one around my ankle because really, there’s no need for a fat girl to have a big blue vine around her ankle, it only makes her leg look more like a tree trunk. It’s really not sexy. Granted, when I got it, it was in an alcohol and drug induced state, and I really wasn’t thinking about things like, I wonder if I’ll regret this when I’m 30 or I bet this will just draw more attention to an already heavy leg. That’s probably why there are laws against getting a tattoo if you’re intoxicated. Intoxication makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do, go figure. So anyway, I was talking to Chris about getting another tattoo. I said I was thinking about getting another one, and I thought that he should get one too. Now this isn’t the first time that we’ve talked about him getting one. When I got the one on my wrist, he went with me and was thisclose to getting one, but he totally chickened out, that was 3 years ago. I said, wouldn’t it be cool if you got a tattoo about me, like my name or something? He was like, I’m not putting your name on me. Ehhh, what the fuck? Why the hell not?

Apparently there’s some man law that, thou shall not tattoo a woman’s name on you, even if she’s your wife. He says that even though he has no plans on divorce and wants nothing more to be with me forever (aww, sweet, right? Wait for it…), there’s always a chance that we’ll get divorced or I’ll die and he’ll be stuck with my name on his body forever (there it is!). Are you kidding me? Not only is he thinking about our divorce but he’s also considering my death? So I’m getting, Oh I love you so much, but if you die, I’m gonna be able to pick up any chicks with your name tattooed on my arm? That’s just wrong.

Ok, I totally get that a tattoo is a big deal for some people, it’s a forever kind of thing. You can get them removed, but that sounds like an immense pain in the ass, so you really need to be sure before you get a tattoo. And it’s not like he’s like, I don’t want a tattoo at all. He does, he just can’t decide what he wants, well that and he’s afraid it’s gonna hurt a lot (which it totally doesn’t). So surely getting something about the love of his fucking life should inspire him, I mean it’s not even like my name is Betty or Jane or a name that is even sounds like other names. Maybe Merritt means excellence, to be worthy of, goodness, perfection (which it totally does according to the thesaurus) and he just spelled it more fancy with an extra r and t. And it’s not like I think it should say I heart Merritt (like with a picture of a heart, like I heart NY), that’s dumb. It could say, Merritt is the best and hottest wife ever, or Merritt is the most wonderful woman on the planet, or Merritt is the love of my life and I’ve tattooed her name on my arm to show the world that there will never be another woman for me, although that may be too long. Some girls like flowers and candy, I like tattoos. Am I nuts?

What do you think? Would you want your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend to tattoo your name on him/her? Would you be offended if they said they wouldn’t?


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