Best things about family reunions: lobster and nipples

2 Aug

Saturday we had our annual family reunion. It had all your typical family reunion stuff, a bunch of cousins whose names you can’t remember, too many kids making too much noise, a lot of hugging (which sucks because I really dislike being touched), and of course alcohol. It’s always pretty cool though because it’s a lobster bake, so we get free lobster and clams. One of the few good things about living here is that lobster is cheap and plentiful, so it’s kinda like bologna, except it tastes better and isn’t made of entrails and tongues. My cousin who hosts this whole thing also has a beautiful kidney-shaped pool, so even though it was really hot, everyone was able to cool off in the pool. Except me, because there’s no way in hell I’d get in a bathing suit in front of that many people.

Chris left his $100 sunglasses there. He’s not sure where they may be, or even for sure that they’re there, just that he doesn’t have them anymore. He’s super responsible like that. It’s really sad that I have to keep track of his stuff just as much as I have to keep track of the kids’ stuff. I mean, I have a big purse, and any time we go anywhere I take this big LL Bean bag. It’s got everything you’d ever need, bathing suits, snacks, books, band-aids, change of clothes, a tent, a spare tire, you name it. All moms carry them, it’s just kinda what they do. Anyway, I have these bags, and he’s still unable to put his shit in either one. I don’t care that he needs glasses to see and he’s blind as a bat (are bats actually blind, by the way? I’m gonna need to check into that…) without them, he doesn’t get anymore sunglasses. He can squint from now on.

Typical of family reunions, they took way too many pictures. As they were grouping the different generations together for pictures, one of my aunts said, you better not put the picture of my nipples on the intra web! I’m not entirely sure who she was talking to, or why exactly there are pictures of her nipples in existence, or why someone would post them, but you know that damned intra web, it’s all about sex and nipples. I think she was a little drunk, but I’m not sure. It’s probably too much to hope for that it was just the alcohol talking.

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