Things I didn’t know in the 4th grade

31 Aug

Because it’s back to school and apparently that means that being a sloth isn’t as cool as it was all summer, we’ve been trying to eat at the table every night. I think it’s a pretty good thing, we get to reinforce/remind about table manners, spend some quality time together, and of course, we get good dinner conversation.

Tonight Chris was asking the kids how their day was, and Davey was telling us about this new Lady Gaga song that he heard on the bus on the way to school, “Love Game“. He starts giggling, and says, I totally know what THAT sounds like.

Me: Oh, yeah? What’s that?

Davey: Well, I mean…she says she wants to take a ride on a disco stick.

Chris raises his eyebrows, but buries his head in his plate. Apparently I’m taking this one.

Me: And what do you think a disco stick is?

Davey: Mom, c’mon, you know…

Me: No, I really don’t. Please tell me.

Davey: You know…private parts?

Me: Do you mean a penis?

At this point Davey’s face is near purple with embarrassment, he bursts out laughing, Kat is practically choking on her food she’s laughing so hard, and Chris is still conveniently absent from the conversation.

Me (to Chris): Are you gonna jump in here?

Chris: Don’t drag me into this, I’m just eating my dinner minding my own business.

Davey: It’s totally about sex.

Me: Why do you think it’s about about sex, and what the hell would you know about it?

Davey: EVERYONE knows about it. It’s not hard to figure out. Disco stick? Hello?

Now, I read “Where Did I Come From?” to the kids, and I explained the birds and the bees, so it’s not like they don’t know the basics. But clearly, he’s getting some other sex talk somewhere else, because I never taught him anything about a disco stick or anything even remotely that vulgar. It is interesting though how these family dinners seem to bring out the best in my kids. It reminds me of a few years ago we were having dinner at the table, when Kat asked me about the dishes I have on the wall. I said, oh, they’re antique china. Davey starts giggling, and Chris and I are both like, what? He says, China? Like a girl’s china? Chris and I start laughing, and Kat sighs and rolls her eyes. She says, David, you dummy. It’s a BAchina. Poor girl, nearly made it to 8 years old thinking that you call a vajayjay a bachina. Not coincidentally, I bought the “Where Did I Come From?” book a few weeks later.

Anyway, Davey wasn’t naming names, but I’m thinking that this whole 4th grade thing, is a bad idea. Disco stick. Honestly. I doubt I would’ve made that connection, but then again, I was 29 before I knew what ZZ Top’s Pearl Necklace was about.

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