Maybe my new house should have padded walls

2 Sep

Yesterday I got the new Pottery Barn catalog. I’ve read it cover to cover about 47 times. It’s a bad habit that I have, drooling over things that I can’t afford/shouldn’t buy because my husband will divorce me. Only this time it’s worse. I have in my head this beautiful blank canvas in which I can do anything I want to. I’ve already chosen the paint colors, the faucets, tiles, carpets, the whole 9. Problem is, we don’t have a house yet. And we’re not moving until June. Perhaps it’s a little early, but I think it’s just because I like to plan. Chris says it’s because I’m a total control freak and am neurotic like nobodies business.

I mean, yeah, I clean my ears at least 5 times a day. I’m not exaggerating. I clean them every time I go into the bathroom. We go through q-tips like normal people go through toilet paper. I don’t know why, I guess I just like having clean ears. And I won’t drink Diet Coke out of a 2-liter bottle if it’s less than 25% full. I measure this by the label. It it’s under the label, it’s no good. I pour it out. If it’s under the label it doesn’t have as many bubbles, and I really like carbonation. This of course drives Chris crazy because it’s a “waste”. I think it’s a waste that no one has figured out how to make the last bit of Diet Coke bubbly.

But it’s not like I refold laundry after it’s put away if it’s not done right, make sure that all the towels and wash clothes are facing the same way, wash the dishes in water so hot it melts your skin off, think bleach is the best smell in the world and would bathe in bleach if I thought I wouldn’t die. Ok, so maybe I’m neurotic. But that’s part of my charm. I’m still going shopping for household items for a house we don’t have. Why? Because if I don’t, I feel like I’m losing control, I start wringing my hands and pacing. I break into a cold sweat and start sputtering sentence fragments and setting things on fire (funniest movie ever reference). I start pulling at my hair and rocking back and forth in the corner.

On second thought, maybe I should skip the Pottery Barn catalog and start shopping for anti-psychotics.

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