Yup, for real. Poop.

18 Sep

Yesterday afternoon David came in the kitchen and said, Mom, my stomach really hurts. It has this really bad pain when I lean over. I didn’t really think much of it at first. Then he lifted up his shirt and said, it hurts right here. There was this huge bump on his stomach, right under his rib cage. It was about the size of a small fist. Protruding out of his stomach. My own stomach dropped to my knees, I felt this hot pulse go through my body followed by tingling in all my limbs. But I didn’t freak out. I didn’t react (at least not externally). I looked at Chris with a sheer panic in my eyes, hoping that he could read my thoughts. He nodded and calmly said, can I see that bump again? He felt around, asking does it hurt here? How about here? Does it hurt when you turn from side to side? We asked Davey if he’d gotten hit at football practice (he said he didn’t), does he remember doing anything that might have caused this? (he said he didn’t). Then Chris says to me, I think we need to call the doctor.

Now Chris does not call the doctor. Ever. He never suggests it, and often scoffs when I say someone should go. He just doesn’t do doctors. So him saying that throws me into all out panic. I knew that I couldn’t let Davey see that, he has enough anxiety issues without me freaking him out. So I say, we’re gonna call the doctor just to be safe. I’m sure it’s nothing, buddy. Like a robot, I grabbed the phone and went outside to smoke a cigarette and call the doctor, feeling a weird combination of panic and numbness. I said to Chris, that’s not normal. Bumps are really bad (my eyes start welling up with tears and start shaking). You know usually a bump like that is… Thank God Chris knows me so well, because he said, I know baby. Just call the doctor. I was so grateful to not have to finish that sentence. I’ve read too many stories about kids whose first symptom of cancer is a large bump, I just couldn’t say it out loud. I’m thinking, no. Not my baby. No. This can’t be happening. So I start thinking “best” case scenarios. Appendix? Spleen? Liver? Hernia? I’m truly teetering on the edge of a complete meltdown.

We get an appointment immediately at the doctor’s office, literally 20 minutes later. Apparently they thought it was a pretty big deal as well, because we all know, that NEVER happens. So I’m doing my best to smile and laugh with Davey. Chris is telling us jokes and making sure that we’re all focused on anything but this lump on my baby boy’s stomach. When the doctor walked in, Chris squeezed my hand, I knew he was scared. He starts examining Davey. Having him bend over, turn from side to side. He says, hmmm, interesting… Which completely sends my mind into overdrive again. He says, do a sit up for me. Now do a crunch and hold it. He pushes around again and says, see this section here? That’s his bowel. It’s backed up poop. You can feel it right here. See how it’s moved down? Are you fucking kidding me? Poop? Surely not. So I said, are you sure? You don’t think it’s anything…else? He says, no, it doesn’t hurt him when I push on it, and if it was anything else, he’d be in excruciating pain. Are you in pain little guy? Davey says, actually, no. It feels a lot better. Son of a bitch. Poop? For real? When the doctor left the room, I said, let me see that bump. Gone. No bump. No lump. Nothing. Fucking poop.

So I paid $10, lost 15 years off my life and got 50% more gray hair to have the doctor tell me that my kid needs to poop. Typical.


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