I am one pathetic loser

16 Oct

My mom has finally joined the 21st century and decided to create a Facebook account. I’ve been bugging her about it for months. A lot of times I’d do my daily updates (which include anything from nonsensical ramblings to what’s going in our lives) on Facebook and then forget to tell her about stuff. Or she’d be like, oh, so and so is moving and I’d be like, yeah, I know, I saw it on Facebook. It was just a pain in the ass. So anyway, she joined Facebook, and the other day we were talking about how it’s going to be an adjustment for me to move to a place where I don’t know anyone, and she says, in a way that only your mother can, you know, you’re a lot nicer on Facebook than you are in person. I was like, ehh, what? She clarified that I’m just more open on Facebook, and more friendly. In person, not so much. I’d like to be really offended, but I think she may be on to something there.

This isn’t something that I would normally advertise, but since I’ve talked about everything else on the internet, I’ll just go for it. I don’t have any friends. Now before you say, oh, of course you do, everyone has friends! Let me say, no, I really don’t. I used to, I used to have lots, but high school was a long time ago. Those people are more of acquaintances, or old friends that I rarely get to talk to. I have lots of people that I talk to all the time, like this super kick ass chick that I met at Kat’s cheering. We talk like everyday on Facebook, and she would totally be my BFF (yeah, I said BFF. I have a 10-year old daughter, what do you expect?) but she lives far away from me, like North Carolina far. I don’t have anyone that I can get a cup of coffee with and have girl talk. Well, I have Chris, but he sucks at girl talk. I have people that I’m friendly with, but no real circle of friends, or shopping buddies or BFFs. Before you go thinking I’m some kind of colossal loser, I should tell you, I kind of dislike people. They make me nervous. I just don’t know what to say when I’m with people. Like, if they read my blog, they think I’m funny. And I’m not really funny, I’m just a smart ass, and in person, that comes off bitchy. And although I kind of am a bitch, I don’t mean to come off bitchy. So my mom was right. Who knew I’d admit that in public either?

So this whole moving to a new place thing combined with my mom telling me I’m not really nice in person got me thinking. I’ve been telling the kids how this is a great opportunity for them to make new friends and shake off any of those old stigmas. They can be anything they want to be, no one knows anything about them, etc. Maybe the same should apply for me. It would be awesome for Chris and I to have a couple that we could hang out with, or a girl that I could go have coffee with, or someone to walk around the block with. But new people scare me, and I’m such a hermit. I’d rather be home steam cleaning the carpets than out being social. So what do you think? How do you even make friends as an adult? There have been many instances that people have been making plans and stuff and even though I was standing there, they didn’t invite me. And it’s not like I can be all, wanna go hang out with me? That’s just dorky. So internet, what’s a wall flower/smartass/bitch supposed to do to make new friends in a new environment? How do I pull the real me (which is the the way I am here and on Facebook, by the way) out and let go of this shy crap?


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