I’m back, and I’m still a badass

15 Dec

Nearly 30 days since my last post. Honestly, I thought that maybe I’d stop blogging. I thought that with all the changes, the new set of expectations, and my new “job”, I just didn’t have time to write. Well, this is my second day home alone, and really, you can only wipe off the counters so many times before you get bored.

So here I am. In my new house. In Georgia. It’s pretty damn awesome. Yes, I only have one working bathroom. And yes, it doesn’t have a sink. Sure, we’re still brushing our teeth in the kitchen sink, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m in my own house. Oh, AND…it has a dishwasher! I’ve never had a dishwasher before, so that’s exciting…if getting excited about appliances is your thing. Apparently it’s mine. Which is a little bothersome because I’m not the kind of girl who gets all giddy over appliances. For instance, last night I was cooking dinner and I pushed a button on the microwave (it had a picture of a light bulb on it) and what do you know? A light came on! But before you go scoffing and thinking I’m total retard, let me explain. The microwave is over the stove, so when I pushed the button, I thought that the light INSIDE the microwave would come on. Nope, light UNDER the microwave came on, so my stove top was lit up. Ok, I know, this wouldn’t excite many people, but it thrilled the hell out of me.

I’m almost done unpacking. It’s been a little nerve rattling because the other day I moved a box and the biggest cockroach I’ve ever seen jumped out and tried to kill me, worse, he brought his brother to help. The kids were sitting on the bed and Davey jumped up and shrieked like a girl, he started jumping up and down on the bed, Kat was waving her arms around screaming, I on the other hand, was very calm. I calmly said, oh my, a large cockroach. I need to kill it. Yeah…not so much. I let out a bloodcurdling Jaime Lee Curtis “Halloween” scream and ran out of the room. Chris was standing in the kitchen laughing. I was like, did you not hear me screaming? He was like, yeah, I heard you. I was like, weren’t you going to check to make sure we were ok? Aren’t you concerned for the welfare of your wife and children? He was all, no. I figured you saw a bug. I was like, well…I did. But you’re a jerk. I finally convinced him to stop laughing at me and come kill it. He found the first one and stomped on it, but the second one ran under the bed and Chris wouldn’t go find it. He said if I feel compelled to crawl under the bed and look for a cockroach I should do so, but he wasn’t going to. I decided I didn’t really want to either. Now, every time I move a box, I expect to see a cockroach. We found a dead one in the bathroom that wasn’t there when we first moved in, Chris said it was probably the one that ran under the bed. He said the house has been bug sprayed, so it was just a matter of time before it died. I’m not sure if I believe him, but I haven’t seen any more yet, so I hope he’s telling the truth and not just waiting for me to amuse him with more screaming and flailing about.

Everyone warned me that there would be big bugs here, I just had to get used to them. I think I’m getting the hang of it. Yesterday morning I was sitting at the table drinking my coffee when I saw this big brown hoppy crawly bug. Some kind of beetle on steroids or something. He was prancing around in his annoying little bug way thinking he’s the shit. I calmly put my coffee cup down, picked up a hammer and smashed the crap out of him. I was like, that’s right, bitch. Who’s the badass now?


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