potty mouth? it’ll cost ya.

15 Nov

Inspired by a great church sermon yesterday, Chris and I decided it was time to stop swearing completely. We’re trying really hard to be good examples to the kids, and it’s SO much easier said than done. While we’ve made some great strides in not swearing, we’re still pretty bad, especially with each other. So yesterday after church we made the swear jar (I’ve got a jar thing going on right now, what can I say?). It’s been less than 24 hours, and we’re at about $3.75. In nickels.

I was able to side step some landmines, for instance, when we went to the grocery store. I had to use the restroom, and as I was opening the door to leave, Davey was standing right outside the door. Like, so close that I would’ve walked into him had I not jumped back. And when I jumped back I pulled the bathroom door onto my toes. I hopped up and down and said, “MOTHER….” I hesitated, Davey and Kat both looked at me with wide-eyed anticipation, Chris smirked at me, “OF A GRAVY BOAT!” Yes, that’s right. Mother of a gravy boat.

Some of the money in the jar came from a wildly inappropriate joke that Chris told that ended with him saying, “TOTALLY worth the 25 cents”. I’m not sure I would’ve paid 25 cents for it, but it was funny. Some of it came from me stubbing my toes on the curb in a parking lot. I didn’t say mother of a gravy boat that time. Let me tell you, not a real banner day for me and sandals yesterday.

One of the best things about this little experiment is calling each other out on swearing. We both have always taken great pride in mocking each other, having a good laugh at each other’s expense and making fun of each other. A lot of people would call it mean, cruel or even a disgusting display of marital relations, but that’s just how we roll. It keeps us always laughing and never taking ourselves, or each other, too seriously. So this morning was your typical Monday, no one was ready on time and everyone was cranky. I don’t really know how it started, but I can tell you that it ended up with me pointing my finger at Chris saying, “swear jar!”

Chris: No, screw that. You called me an ass.
Me: Uh, no I didn’t. I haven’t sworn all morning. You owe another nickel.
Chris: I don’t owe anything. You owe. But fine, you want me to put a stupid nickel in, I will.
Me: You want me to owe? Fine, I’m gonna make it count. You’re an ass, ass, ass, ass, ass. (but I really said it about 27 times)
Chris: Oh, real nice babe. Keep it up. I’ve got a whole handful for you. (he starts dropping nickels into the jar)
Me: Oh yeah? ASS ASS ASS ASS. Like that? ASS ASS ASS ASS. (the whole time he just keeps making this pursed lip face at me dropping nickels into the jar every time I said it.)
Me: Would you stop it? Gah, you’re such a…BUTT HEAD!
Chris: Did you just call me a butt head?

That was pretty much the end of our bickering. It’s kind of hard to take anyone seriously when they call you a butthead. And that my friends, is how you get $3.75 in the swear jar, in nickels, in less than 24 hours. It’s also how you take a quick detour back to third grade when you last actually used the phrase, “butt head”.

How about you? Do you have any “acceptable” swears? What do you say instead without feeling like tool?


Image from maniac.com

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7 Responses to “potty mouth? it’ll cost ya.”

  1. Amy Cunningham November 15, 2010 at 8:41 pm #

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love it! Partly…okay MOSTLY because I can actually picture it all happening. We gave up swearing a while back too. Larry has been a BIT slower to catch on though. I just give him "the look". I don't think I have anything creative though. I remember growing up my Dad said, "Mother Superior!!!!" a LOT. =D

  2. Jodi November 15, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    My stepmom says, "Shoot a monkey in the butt!"

  3. Merritt November 15, 2010 at 8:52 pm #

    Amy, if I had a look that would work, I'd totally use it!Jodi, I might have to use that one!

  4. Doris November 15, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    I remember us being kids and my mom putting out a swear jar because we always got wound up when we played pac man or other video games. She used to say "son of a whocutcher" whatever that means so she would get out of paying a quarter to the jar. Oh the memories. Wish she were still here so I could hear her say that expression just one more time. Nice blog Merritt. You are awesome!+

  5. Amanda November 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm #

    Love it! LOL!

  6. David November 17, 2010 at 12:46 am #

    I never swear. ….

  7. Amanda November 17, 2010 at 3:20 pm #

    So Trey and I are, too, working on the NO SWEARING! I just stumbled upon this scripture and thought it would go hand-and-hand w/ your, "No cursing zone cookie jar." Titus 2:7,8In everything set them an example, by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about you.Breaking the verse down: "Paul urged Titus to be a good example to those around him so that others might see Titus's good deedes and imitate him. Paul's life would give his words greater impact. If you wnat someone to act a certain way, be sure that you live that way yourself. Then you will earn the right to be heard, and our life will reinforce what you teach."This really spoke to me personally b/c of my kids. If I don't want them screaming at me when they get mad, or getting an attitude, then I should do the same for them. Anywho, I thought this could help in your cuss free journey. 🙂

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